Q | u | o | t | a | t | i | o | n | You Define a Child Every Day ~ DAVID NIVEN

Children don't have many indicators of who they are and how they are doing that really matter to them. The biggest indicator they have is their family. A child's feelings about his or her family relationship do more to define that child's outlook and self-image than anything else. A family must show its unconditional acceptance to a child each and every day.

 --o0o--

Reference : David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

Q | u | o | t | a | t | i | o | n | Don't Hide from Your Family ~ DAVID NIVEN

Sometimes when we think about trying to change our lives or improve ourselves in some way, we imagine that the safest way is to do it in secret. We'll just set out to change ourselves, then announce what we've accomplished when it's over. This idea is appealing because it reduces our sense of risk. If we don't tell anyone what we're trying to do, then we won't have to deal with others seeing our failure if we are unsuccessful. The problem with this reasoning is that by keeping efforts a secret to protect ourselves from failure, we make it more likely we will fail. Be honest with your family when you are pursuing change. Their support and attention will help keep your focus on what you want.

--o0o--

Reference : David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

  PHOTO ~ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| Let Your Goals Live with You ~ David Niven

Maybe your career dreams were put on hold for a family. Or perhaps you gave them up altogether. If so, then you probably can't help but see your family as an obstacle to your goals. There is a great danger when you put your goals up on a shelf somewhere and dust them off every decade or so to see how you are doing. Your goals miss out on seeing your daily joys and frustrations, the life you have chosen. Instead, your goals become outdated and are based on a different time and place. When you take the time to look at them, your old goals can disappoint you, sadden you, even detract from the life you are otherwise enjoying. That is why it is so important to never put your goals away. Keep them with you. Keep them in mind every step of the way. Let your goals adapt to fit the life you are leading, the life you have chosen. There is never a reason to give up on your goals as long as you keep your goals in touch with your real life priorities.

   --o0o--

Reference : David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

 

 PHOTO ~ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| It's OK to Be Right When Everyone Else Is Wrong ~ David Niven

Responsibility carries with it a special burden. While others may think of themselves and their immediate needs, you must think about the entire family's long-term needs. It's not easy to see things differently or to propose what you think is a good path over what might be the popular path. But the long-term importance of making the right decision is far greater than the short-term value of making the pleasing decision.

   --o0o--

Reference : David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

 PHOTO ~ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| Dedication Matters More Than Occupation ~ David Niven

Parents probably suffer more with their work decisions than with anything else. Can I afford not to work outside the home? Can my family function if I do? Take comfort, whatever your decision, in the fact that the major indicators of life quality and life outcomes for children do not hinge on this decision. Your commitment to loving your family and dedicating yourself to them is far, far more important than your decision about whether or not to work.

  --o0o-- 

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Reference:
David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

PHOTO ~ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| We Make Our Own Family Success ~ David Niven

Because we recognise that almost anything is easier with a good teacher, many of us worry that if our upbringing was difficult, then we will have trouble raising a family of our own. The truth is that our commitment to our family shapes our children's lives far more than any of our past experiences. Having a wonderful childhood no more automatically makes you a great parent than having a difficult childhood makes you a poor one.

  --o0o-- 

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Reference:
David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

PHOTO ~ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| Saying Nothing Says Something ~ David Niven

What do we mean when we don't say anything? We might not mean anything at all. But for many people, especially children, the absence of communication is a source of great concern. When we don't say anything at all we leave the door open for worst-case-scenario assumptions. Your family needs to hear from you, even if it's just to tell them what you think they should already know.

  --o0o--

 

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Reference:
David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

PHOTO ~ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

 

 

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| Find a Community That Fits Your Family ~ David Niven

The vast majority of your family's life will take place in or near your home. Where you live will have a significant influence on the experiences your family members have and the outlook they adopt. The community you live in can complement everything you are trying to do for your family, or it can compete with you. Seek a place to live in that truly meets your needs.  
 

  --o0o--

 

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Reference:
David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

PHOTO ~ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| There Are Second Chances ~ David Niven

Family life is what we make of it -- regardless of its form. Whether you are in a traditional family, a stepfamily, or some other family situation, you have the capacity to contribute to it and feel loved in it. There are no rules for what makes a family except the rules you make, and there is no time limit on when and how you find a loving family life.

--o0o--

 

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Reference:
David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

PHOTO ~ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| Take Strength from Your Focus ~ David Niven

Ambivalence can be debilitating. Many people cannot move their lives forward because they are simply unsure of which direction to take. One of the great strengths and joys of a committed family life is that there is no room for ambivalence. Your purpose and direction is providing for your family. While that may sometimes seem like a limitation or a burden, recognise its power as a motivator and a map to your future. 
 

--o0o--

----------------

Reference:
David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.

Photo ~ Searching for Signals by John Stanmeyer @ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| Family Makes a New You ~ David Niven

We have a name, a self-definition, our own personal identity. What happens to that identity when we marry or have children? If you want to enjoy family life, that identity has to change. This does not mean that nothing is you anymore, or uniquely you. But it does mean that part of you is your family, and there is no way to understand you without understanding that fact.

--o0o--

------------
Reference:
David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.  

[P h o t o : National Geographic]

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| Be a Good Friend ~ David Niven

Looked at from a distance, a family is infinitely complex. But looked at from the most basic level, a family is a series of personal relationships, and those relationships are like any other close, important relationship in your life. Treat your family members as you would treat a friend -- as if you have chosen to be in their company and wish them to choose to be in yours -- and you will have taken the most important, most fundamental step toward having a rewarding family life.

--o0o--

------------
Reference:

David Niven, Ph.D.; 'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families, What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use it', CAPSTONE, New York, U.S.A., 2006.  

[P h o t o : National Geographic]
 

|Q|u|o|t|a|t|i|o|n| THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families ~ DAVID NIVEN

1.       Be a Good Friend

2.       Family Makes a New You

3.       Take Strength from Your Focus

4.       There are Second Chances

5.       Find a Community That Fits Your Family

6.       Believe in Yourself to Help Your Family

7.       Saying Nothing Says Something

8.       We Make Our Own Family Success

9.       Dedication Matters More than Occupation

10.   It’s OK to Be Right When Everyone Else Is Wrong

11.   Let Your Goals Live with You

12.   Tell Your Family Story

13.   Don’t Hide from Your Family

14.   You Define a Child Every Day

15.   Listen Without  Judgment

16.   Closeness Cannot Be Measured on a Map

17.   Live Your Views

18.   Parents Are Foundations Not Walls

19.   Make “Should” and “Want” the Same Thing

20.   Adjustments Never End

21.   Express Your Love

22.   The Bright Side Shines Through

23.   Forgiveness Depends on More Than the Apology

24.   Fatigue Is a Family  Enemy

25.   Jealousy Is Automatic

26.   Encourage Persistence Not Desperation

27.   It’s Better to Be Fair Than Right

28.   Every Number Has Challenges

29.   Think of Your Family When You Don’t Have To

30.   Don’t Let Negativity Build

31.   Recognise Pleasant Stress

32.   There’s No Price Tag on Family Life

33.   Calm Questions Get Answers

34.   Family Life Teaches Us About Relationships

35.   What You See Isn’t Always There

36.   Don’t Enter a Generational Competition

37.   Expectations  Must Fit the Person

38.   Don’t Obsess over Birth Order

39.   Show Up on Time

40.   Communication  Brings Us Closer

41.   Every Person Is in a Different Relationship

42.   Satisfaction Depends on Where You Look

43.   It’s Not a Popularity Contest

44.   Cherish Traditions

45.   Work on Your Own Terms

46.   Encourage, but Don’t Require, Activities

47.   Caregiving Is Personal

48.   You Can’t Be the Family Gatekeeper

49.   It Doesn’t Matter Who Earns the Money

50.   All Talk Is Not Equal

51.   What You Send Out Comes Back to You

52.   The Next Generation Will Define Family for Itself

53.   Share Your Struggles

54.   Beware of Clothing Disasters

55.   Competition Breeds Loss

56.   Do One Thing at a Time

57.   You Will See the Same Things Differently

58.   Strictness Can Last a Lifetime

59.   The In-Laws Are Not the Enemy

60.   Share the Housework

61.   Write Down Your Thoughts

62.   Pets Are Family Too

63.   Take Comfort from Routines

64.   Tempers Must Be Controlled

65.   Illness Can Have Multiple Victims

66.   Not Every Piece Will Fit

67.   Use Food Positively

68.   Self-Doubt Magnifies Family Problems

69.   Children Need More Than Parents

70.   Rigidity Isolates

71.   The More You Give, the More You Will Believe in Yourself

72.   Don’t Stay Together at All Costs

73.   Too Much Protection Is a Threat

74.   Experience Helps but Shouldn’t  Dictate

75.   Low Expectations Are Not a Family Solution

76.   Emotions Last Longer Than Events

77.   Even the Dependent Need Some Independence

78.   Another View Is a Strength, Not a Weakness

79.   Distress Is Contagious

80.   Family Affects All Aspects of Our Lives

81.   Generations to Come Make Us Feel Young Again

82.   Everybody Must Contribute to the Work of Family Life

83.   Be Real

84.   The Young and Old Want the Same Thing

85.   It Will Be a Family of the World

86.   The Most Important Inheritance Is Love

87.   Disagree with Each Other, Not Against Each Other

88.   Don’t  Do Everything Together

89.   Beware of Television Extremes

90.   See the Big Picture

91.   Give Yourself—Nothing Else Really Matters

92.   It’s Somewhere Between Easy and Impossible

93.   Everything Is Relative

94.   Make What’s Real into What’s Ideal

95.   It’s Always a Choice

96.   Everyone Is Equal but Different

97.   Continue

98.   We Seek Warmth

99.   Can You Do It? Ask Yourself

100.                        You Make Your Family

       -o0o-      

 

R e f e r e n c e :

DAVID NIVEN, Ph.D;  

'THE 100 SIMPLE SECRETS OF Happy Families --

What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It’, Capstone Publishing Ltd, 2006:

   P h o t o : National Geographic